Når ens aller største ønske

er å få slippe

å eksistere for noen.

Det er sammen med andre

at jeg hater meg selv

mest.

I look at her for a while, study the tears stained eyes and the broken smile that even Frankenstein would not know what to do with. I still wonder how eyes can reflect such pain, as if it should not be possible and yet there they are; tearing through your soul. At last I conjure up a bit of courage and ask “ why do you keep giving so much of yourself to those who give nothing back?”.

She looks away for a little while, her eyes goes distant and silence covers us like a thick fog making it almost unbearable to breath. With somber in her throat, she finally answers “ because if I can save one person, just one, then that is enough for me”.

I let the words wander in my mind, but they never settle. I understood why, I almost did not want to. As if it somehow would be easier if I just did not. But it was too late, the words were burnt to my heart and the pain left a sillage that went straight across.

With a deep breath, holding back tears, I ask with such pain in my voice I did not quite understand how the words came out… “why can’t that one person be you?”

She does not answer, but she does not have to. The words are so clear across her face, it is like someone carved the words into her skin; “because I’m not worth it, because I don’t deserve it, because there is nothing left to save”. All these answers rolling down her cheeks in the form of tears. They were so toxic, I almost expected them to burn through her like acid.

Once again, I am staring at her. Looking at the eyes of someone too young to be feeling this sad. Looking at someone with too many emotions for this world. Looking at someone who so desperately needs to be saved, and no way of saving.

• I would have set this world on fire, if there were a slight chance that it would’ve made you smile.

Og så skulle jeg ønske

at det var mulig for deg å

bare sage rundt skallen min

løfte av topplokket

titte nedi

og se for deg sjæl

hvor jævlig ille det egentlig står til.

Du

pjusker meg i håret

og hvisker meg i øret

«Det skal gå bra, det skal gå over, jeg lover»

Den største kjærlighetserklæring.

Jeg

lukker øya

biter tenna sammen

og tenker innstendig

«Han lyver han lyver han lyver han lyver»

Hvor mange løgner

rommer denne sengen

Og hvor mange hemmeligheter

bærer dette forholdet

Ukvemsord spyttes langs veggene

skuffelsen slenges i dørene

og mistrivselen siver ut vinduene

Men hver kveld

heises det hvite flagget

og vi forsones

inntil morgendagen

Sovner inn

i hvert vårt univers

hvor den andre

ikke eksisterer

Trenger ikke

kart og kompass

for å vite

hvor jeg har deg hen.

Behøver ikke

redningsvest og nødrakett

for å vite

at du tar imot.

Et stødig anker

i all slags vær

og i hver en havn

Du forblir.

La meg bare

gråte oss i søvn

skrike deg øredøv

knuse frokostserviset

røske tak i hjertet ditt

rive det ut

for så å

legge det fint på plass.

Så skal vi se

hvor stødig du står.

Om

du bare hadde forstått

hvor

verdifull

fundamental

berikende

uunnværlig

du er i mitt liv

ville du kjempet

med nebb og klør

og alt som er

for å holde ut.

I will be your canvas, I will be your colours.

Whenever inspiration strikes, I will let you paint your emotions.

So, when your heart becomes too loud, and your hands begin to quiver; I will be your art.

And as colours spew against the walls, I wonder where your mind wanders.

And, I wonder when there is no more room left on me for new paintings, when the colours have run dry. What then?

Will you find someone new, someone with more vibrant colours?

Or will you finally put down the brush, and see the masterpiece that was always there; dripping in red.

– For you always said I looked best in red.